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  “Why don't you just give them to her instead of sneaking it in her food as you've been doing the last few weeks?” he asked, shaking her head.

  “You know she won't ever agree to take them, Tony.”

  I took a breath before asking him the next question, hoping he would think before answering me. “I was thinking, you are so hard up when it comes to Krystle, and I know it's because of Momma.”

  “What are you getting at Courtney?”

  I added some more soup into the spiked bowl and stirred. “Well, while we're helping out Krystle, maybe we can help you out too. Like this Sunday you can go with me to sit with our mother.”

  “No Courtney.”

  “You know, you should really—”

  “No Courtney!” he interrupted.

  “Stop being so stubborn!”

  “I don't have anything to say to her! She probably cursed Krystle to be this way. The same way she is! I don't need her tainting my child any more than she has already done. I'll handle Krystle the best way I can!”

  “Not saying your way is bad, but it could be better if you listened to somebody other than yourself, sometimes.”

  “Like who? Like you? I admit, since my wife left us you stepped in and helped out, but let me remind you in case you forgot; I'm her father.”

  I bit my tongue, swallowed hard, and spoke. “Tony, I didn't come in here to take your wife's place or run your house. I just figured maybe we could make it out there as a family, and have Krystle sit down with her. She could possibly identify and learn some things from her.”

  “You can go Courtney, but I'm not, and neither is Krystle. I'm running late, call you later,” he said, grabbing another slice of grilled cheese, and then walking swiftly out the door.

  He struck a nerve with me and I'm sure I struck one with him, but I wasn't trying to. I thought that would have been a great idea. Maybe with Momma and Krystle having the same thing, they could talk. I put Krystle’s lunch on the silver tray as usual and was about to head towards her room when the AC turned on, pushing two pieces of paper off the breakfast bar right in front of me. I put the tray back down, bent over to pick up the sheets, and realized it was the power of attorney, signed and notarized. “That boy never puts up anything!” I said aloud. All of a sudden, it hit me; needing Tony's approval was now null and void. I made up my mind; Krystle was coming with me Sunday. If this is something that can help her to for the better, I have to try it, at least, weigh out my options.

  ***************************

  Getting Krystle out the house was more complicated than I thought it was going to be. Since I've been skipping her meds in her soup every day, she's slowly showing some signs of her old self, except for some things. She used to be excited to leave, but lately, she’d rather stay in her room writing or sleeping. I'm glad I convinced her to take this ride with me.

  “Where are we going again?” she asked, staring out the window watching as we passed the traffic on 610.

  I cleared my voice before speaking and adjusted myself in the driver seat. “To meet someone you haven't seen in a very long time.”

  I watched as her head went left to right, focusing on each car driving past. “Did you see that?” she asked, sitting straight up.

  “No… what was it?” I asked, glancing through the side view mirror. When we stopped at a red light, I looked at her, she began to fidget and started sweating, looking around in horror.

  “What's wrong, Krys?” I asked, patting her arm.

  “No… no… no!” she repeated, unbuckling her seat belt.

  “Calm down,” I said, immediately pressing the lock door button. “What's wrong with you?”

  I needed to do something fast to calm down this situation, so when the light turned green I sped off and pulled into a parking lot I had seen. In just that little time, Krystle had made her way to the back seat shaking crying and still sweating. Unbuckling my seatbelt, I got out of the front seat, and into the back with her, rubbing her back.

  “Don't touch me!” she flinched. “Bishop is following us.”

  “What?” I said, looking up from her and out the window.

  “In every car he's there, looking at me, I just… I just wanna go home.”

  “Sit up for me honey, okay, he was not in every car, he's dead,” I said, pulling her to me, rubbing the back of her head.

  “Okay,” she sobbed.

  Her breathing started to get light as her heartbeat steadied. When I finally got her to calm down, there was a knock on the back, side window.

  “Y'all got some spare change?” the man asked, cuffing the sides of his face, glaring through the window.

  Krystle screamed so loud and high, I thought my windshield was going to crack.

  “Bishop, get away! Ahhh!”

  I jumped out the back seat and walked up boldly to the homeless man. He seemed a little startled, but it didn't stop his begging. “Spare change, sister?”

  “Get the fuck away from my car!”

  “Oh, it's like that? Fuck you then, bitch! You ain't got no money no way!” he yelled before kicking my car, leaving a dirty shoe print on the side.

  Krystle was still in the car screaming when I turned my attention back to her. I pulled the car door handle, only to realize it was locked. I slap my palm against my forehead then lightly tapped on the window.

  “Krystle, it's Aunt Courtney; I need you to unlock the door so I can get in.” Talking was useless; she couldn't hear me over her screaming.

  “This can't be happening,” I said to myself, leaning against the car.

  Luckily, my phone was in my back pocket, I called the one person I knew could help me, which was AAA. If I called Tony and told him where we were, and where we were going after he said no, who knows what he would have said or did.

  Two hours later, AAA finally reached us, Krystle's screaming had subsided and I was exhausted. I thought she might have fallen asleep as Mr. AAA looked through the driver's side window, pointing out the obvious.

  “Your problem is your keys are in the ignition, that's one if the main reasons you can't get in.”

  I close my eyes and massage my temples, trying not to get upset.

  “Have you tried all these doors?” he asked in a calm tone.

  “Did I do what? Look… Albert,” I said, reading his shirt. “All I need you to do is pop the lock, so I can be on my way.”

  “First, my name’s not Albert. I'm doing a favor for him, ‘cause I owe him money. Oh, my name’s Elijah.” He cheesed.

  “Whatever your name is, can you just pop the damn lock please?”

  “I would, but I don't have to, ‘cause this one is unlocked already,” he said, opening the front driver side door and then sticking his head in. “You know you got a whole adult on the floor of your car?”

  “What?”

  “Never mind, don't worry; here's my business card, I'm a full time lawyer in real life,” he said, handing me his card.

  I felt my face turn red with anger as I spoke. “Get the hell out my way,” I said, clenching my teeth.

  He moved back as I put the car in reverse first, and then in drive. With the luck I was having, I shouldn't have been surprised when the damn car turned off completely. I looked back at Krystle, still lying on the floor, breathing heavily with her eyes wide open.

  “How could I be so stupid?” I asked myself aloud, hitting my head against the horn. A light tap on the driver window caught my attention. I turned my head in that direction, only to see the stupid AAA lawyer standing there smiling, holding up a red gas can.

  Three and a half hours later, we were finally on the way home. I called Tony and told him a little white lie, simply saying everything, except for attempting to take Krystle to see Momma. I think he knew what I was trying to do anyways, because when we made it home, his face showed it. He fussed from the time he opened the back door to pick up Krystle, all the way from taking her upstairs, until he came back downstairs to where I was sitting.

  �
��So you gon’ tell me where the hell you were trying to take her?”

  I didn't respond to him at first, I'd gotten comfortable and my ass was tired; I stretched out on the couch.

  “Courtney?”

  I didn't want to talk, so I just held my hand up in a “halt” position hoping that would let him know I wasn't in the mood for his questions.

  “Alright Courtney, but we will talk about this tomorrow,” he said, walking away and closing his room door.

  Finally, I could get some rest.

  ***************************

  APRIL 26

  The alarm from my cell started playing some fancy light tune, waking me up from my sleep. With my eyes still closed, I reached down towards the floor trying to feel for it, but it wasn't there. I peeled the left side of my face off the leather couch, turning my head. When I opened my eyes, Krystle was sitting Indian style in front of me.

  “I'm sorry about yesterday, I don't know what's coming over me, please don't tell my daddy.”

  I wanted to answer her at that moment, but I was still exhausted from the previous day.

  “You're late for work, so you might as well stay home; what time are you fixing lunch today?” she began to whisper.

  “I'll fix you lunch, just give me a minute, okay Krys?”

  She nodded her head then stood up quietly, walking into the kitchen. I laid there for another five minutes, and then peeled myself off the couch. I don't remember ever feeling this way before, I guess I've just been too busy to notice and for the first time in a long time, I felt drained and unable to keep it together.

  “You look tired,” Krystle said, sitting at the breakfast table.

  “I am,” I responded, grabbing the seasonings and her pill bottle from the cabinet over the stove. Just because I'm feeling some type of way, doesn't mean I stop doing what I think is right for Krystle. I have to figure out some way to get these meds in her soup without her knowing.

  “So let's talk a little about yesterday,” I said, speaking louder than usual, trying to disguise the sound of the bottle.

  “I don't really know what to say, except I know what I saw.”

  “Umm…hmm,” I said, fumbling with the little bottle.

  “You know, it really opened my eyes yesterday, it's time I face everything head on. I think I'm ready to see Bishop today.”

  “Really?” I asked, my back towards her as I continued to fight with the pill bottle.

  “Do you need some help?” Krystle asked, sounding like she was scooting the chair across the wooden floor.

  “No!” I exclaimed, turning around nervously. I spun around so quickly, I opened the top, spilling Krystle’s meds all on the floor.

  I bent down, trying to scoop them all up at once, but it was too late.

  “Aunt Courtney?” she asked, calmly squatting down next to me, picking up the empty pill container. “What were you about to do with my medication?”

  I sighed deeply and then stood up, putting my hands on my waist, shaking my head. “I'm sorry, honey.”

  “What did you do?” she asked, taking a few steps backwards.

  “It was for your own good, I had to get you to start taking it somehow,” I said, walking up to her.

  Her forehead wrinkled in confusion as her eyes welled up with tears, “How could you? How could you do this to me?”

  “Just let me explain Krystle, okay?” I pleaded.

  Chapter Ten

  KRYSTLE

  “Explain? After I repeatedly said no, you go against everything I asked. No one trusts me, but it should be me who don't trust y'all!”

  My aunt stood there as if she was lost. She looked like she was sorry, but at this time right now; I had no sympathy.

  “How long have you been doing this to me and does my father know?”

  She cleared her throat before she spoke, and then took a deep breath, “Yes he knows and it's been going on for a while now.”

  “What's a while? How long is that? Wait…” I stopped, and then started to remember, “I made your favorite lunch grilled cheese and tomato basil soup…”

  “The day you gave me back my phone, the last time I spoke to Akira…” I heard my voice trail off as memories started to pour in as if someone had opened a floodgate in my head. They began to play in my head like the movie, A Christmas Carol where a ghost takes Scrooge back in time, so he could see himself in a different light; that's what was happening to me and I couldn't control it.

  That day, Akira, FiFi, and I met at the park by the fountain; I need to remember. I closed my eyes tight and thought back to then. “What the fuck you looking at bitch! You and ya stupid ass dogs get from out of our mouths!” I stood in that memory; watching myself talk to myself, using different voices and different personalities while strangers walked past me…

  Alone… I was alone…

  I opened my eyes back up, placing my right hand over my mouth and my left over my chest. I begin to weep as my aunt looked at me, frozen in her stance. I didn't really understand what my dad and aunt tried to tell me before, but seeing it through my own eyes; I get it.

  “I get it!” I cried. “I get it! They were never real!” I said, crying harder, I felt my knees buckle as if I was about to pass out.

  “Why would you do this to me?”

  “You have to stand in your truth, Krys, you shouldn't have to hide behind those two people anymore.”

  I covered my face with my hands, crying harder, “This truth is painful and a constant reminder as to… As to…” I stopped; sliding my hands down my face, I looked at my aunt and then back at my hands that were now suddenly smeared with blood.

  “Aunt Courtney?”

  I ran to the kitchen sink, turning on the water and letting it run until it was scalding hot, and then placed my hands underneath it.

  “What are you doing? What's wrong?” she asked, running up behind me.

  I ignored her and poured the last bit of the green Dawn dishwashing liquid on my hands, scrubbing.

  “Krystle!”

  “The blood!”

  “What? Where are you bleeding?”

  “The blood that's on my hands!” I screamed.

  “I don't see any! There is no blood anywhere!” She turned off the water; then grabbed a dish rag. “Look!”

  She slid the towel from my wrist to the tip of my fingers, exposing my hands for what they really were. There was no blood, only blistering caused by the hot water. I stood there in disbelief, looking them over from the back to the front.

  “But it was there,” I whispered, still examining them.

  “We have to get you to a hospital; that looks bad, Krystle, let me see.”

  “But the blood…” My mind began to crowd with words and whispers from past conversations.

  I could hear them all in my head, from Bishop to Akira, and FiFi.

  “Have you looked at your hands in a while, Krystle?” Akira’s voice repeated.

  “Remember what happened, but it will only start after you take your medication,” FiFi’s voice trailed in.

  “You will rot in hell for what you did!” I heard Bishop's voice boom.

  My mind was going in circles, repeating the loud, congested whispers of my past.

  I can't remember when it stopped and I snapped out of it; the next thing I knew, I was lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by the two people that have been lying to me.

  “What happened?” I asked, trying to sit up.

  “Relax,” my father spoke softly, “you burned your hands pretty bad.”

  “We think you passed out from shock.”

  “I have to go.”

  “No, you have to rest,” Aunt Courtney said, putting her hand on my chest, pushing me back down.

  “Y'all don't understand, Bishop's blood is on my hands, and I need to know why.”

  They both looked at me, then at each other, and then back at me.

  “Baby…” my dad started.

  “No! Y'all wanted me to start taking that
shit; unknowingly I did, and now we all have to suffer the consequences of my memory. Those days are very vague, I need answers.”

  “Where do you wanna go?”

  “Courtney!”

  “Hush Tony, she's right! Krystle, where do you wanna go?”

  I looked at my father before answering, and then back at my aunt. “My apartment and the Motel 6.”

  “Do you understand the lengths you are trying to go; just to remember something you didn't want to remember just a couple of months ago? This is ridiculous!” he spat.

  “Daddy, if I want to be able to start to rebuild my life back, I have to forgive myself.”

  “Well, do it! Forgive yourself, but not like this, please not like this.”

  “I have to know what I'm trying to forgive myself for.”

  He sighed deeply then shook his head. “No good is going to come from this.”

  “Daddy please.”

  He never responded to me; he shook his head again, while walking out of the room.

  “I take it you're angry with me too.”

  “I can't be, can I? I'm the one who started this; I put the meds in your food. Are you angry at me?”

  “When I was younger, you used to tell me, ‘the ultimate ignorance is the rejection of something you know nothing about yet refuse to investigate it’. Do you remember that?”

  “Yes,” she smiled, wiping a tear from her left eye, “I remember.”

  “Should I continue to be ignorant?”

  “You've been ignorant for too long, baby girl; we have to talk.”

  “Can it wait? I have to try and piece these things together and figure out what am I going to do.”

  “Sure, it can wait. But I guess in the meantime, you must investigate,” Aunt Courtney said with a nod.

  ***************************

  Ten days later, I was released from the hospital; my hands didn't sting as much as they did before, but they were still a bit tender. My father still didn't agree to what I wanted to do, even though he didn't want me to go ahead with my plan, I refused to let that stop me. As I was sitting there, waiting on my aunt to pick me up, I found myself gazing out the window, lost in my thoughts, when an all too familiar voice spoke loudly.